Undertaker unhappy with funeral

2 Nov

Abdur-Rahman & Son Undertakers of east Birmingham were complaining again yesterday when they were asked to rebuild the coffin for super-salafiyya. As soon as word spread of the passing of Dawood Burbank (rahmatullahi alaih) the worries and anxiety began. It was then just a matter of time before their fears were confirmed and talk spread that with the passing of Salafi Publications most senior translator it was “the final nail in the coffin of super-salafiyya.”

“Haraam alaik!” cries Abdur-Rahman. “How many final nails can there be in one coffin? I’ve been hearing about these damn final nails since 1995!” He reels off a long list of such final nails “The first was when Abu Ruhayyam refuted Ali al-Halabi. And then it was when Usama al-Busi went off the manhaj. And then Abu Jibaali was kicked out. Each time we’re told it’s the final nail in the coffin.”

In late 2002 and yet more final nails in the coffin Abdur-Rahman realised that there was simply no more space left on the coffin for any more nails. So he built a second one, and then a third, and now is on the fourth.

“We were just about to ask the Imam to arrange a janaza, and now we get another nail.”

He seems exasperated.

Has he been paid, I ask? “Paid?! No way. But they have given me a shelf full of fragrant oils. But I’m warning them, if I have to build a fifth coffin for them I haven’t got space for it, and it’s going in Big Yellow Storage.”


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