It Ain’t Half Hot – Mustafa

9 Jan

After winning the world cup bid, Qataris discover that their summers can be on the hot side.

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Congresswoman’s shooting condemned by all sides

9 Jan

Groups from across the political spectrum have come out today to express their sadness at the horrific shooting of Gabrielle Giffords, the Republican senator for Arizona.

Samantha Gellar, author of popular right-wing blog “Venus’ Shoulders” issued the following statement:

“This is not fair at all. A tragedy as horrible as this happens very rarely but when it does you hope and you pray that its going to be a Mozlem thats responsible, but in this case its not. I’ve been looking up to heaven and asking God, ‘why couldn’t it be someone who was brown-skinned, with a big beard and Abdul as his surname?! Because its people like Abdul-whats-his-name who arethe real criminals here! Its just not fair!”

Across the divide a spokesperson for superamericanmuslims.com shared those same sentiments:

“This is so unfortunate. We were sitting watching CNN waiting for confirmation that the shooter was named Abdul; we would have been the first to condemn such actions.

That the shooting has been carried out by a 21 year old gora has sadly rid us of the opportunity to condemn a Muslim and show the American public who we really stand shoulder to shoulder with. And despite the fact that the American public won’t pay attention to us and keep blaming us for everything anyway, it will not swerve us from showing that we are all brothers in America.”

Saudis bolster Human Rights Coalition

2 Jan

Riyadh (TBM). The Saudi Human Rights Commission has joined a powerful coalition of human rights groups who are intensifying pressure on the UK government to abandon its use of control orders.

Parvaiz Javed, writing to TBM on behalf the Chairman of the SHRC, Dr Bandar al-Qirdi, who was unavailable due to a late night coffee-drinking session, said that control orders serve no purpose and are a waste of taxpayers money. “We are very much against this bloody waste of money. Why you cannot see that what you people are doing is wrong?” He said in an email, “Here in Saudi, we are taking no prisoners or control orders or anything. Miscreants are not existing here.”

Whitehall insiders have told TBM that such an unlikely ally is likely to strengthen the governments hand rather than weaken it.

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Exposed: Islamist influence at very highest levels of Pakistani government

1 Jan

Officials within the US & Indian governments reacted with alarm today following a meeting of top Pakistani ministers.

Up till now it had been believed that only elements within Pakistan’s intelligence service, the ISI, were affected by religious fervour, leading them to aid – some claim – the Taliban with a flow of weapons and information.

But Islamism and Islamists are growing ever bolder, and it would be wise not to underestimate just how long the reach of this ideology is, and just how religious Pakistani politicians just may be.

Seasons greetings from Senior Cleric

24 Dec

There is a spring in the step of many Western Muslims today following a new decree by Dr. Mubarak, a member of the Council of Senior scholars in Saudi Arabia. The Kingdom’s leading daily, Okaz, reports that Dr. Mubarak has ruled that Muslims may respond to invitations to participate in the celebrations (Eids) of non-Muslims, and as a descendant of Muhammad ibn ‘Abdul-Wahhab his words carry great influence.

“This is a major shift in Saudi Wahhabist thinking, and gives us hope for the future,” said Islamic expert Ed Nawaz. “Inch by inch they are edging towards modernisation. I look forward to the day when they will be as enlightened as we in the West are.”

And Mr. Nawaz was not the only one to share this view. A New York based cleric, Sh. Kazi was in agreement.

“I think the ruling that we can’t share holiday celebrations with our non-Muslim friends is outdated. I mean, Ibn al-Uthaimeen’s fatwa prohibiting such is so last century. In particular I’m happy that all our Muslim brethren in the American army will be able to sit down tomorrow with their fellow soldiers and celebrate Xmas together.”

Muslims in London also spoke of their joy – and surprise – at the new fatwa. “It couldn’t have come at a better time” exclaimed Rehana Javaid. “I can’t wait to call my friends and let them know that I’ve changed my mind and that I will be attending their Christmas party tomorrow.”

And one cheeky youth on the steps of London’s Whitechapel Mosque who asked not to be named in case his dad reads this article, told us, “I’m off to get some Mistletoe to practice for tomorrow.”

So, its happiness all round. All thanks to the pen of a cleric who really knows what he’s talking about.

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A new front opening in the War on Terror?

24 Dec

The War on Terror took an unexpected twist yesterday with news that N. Korea has announced its preparations for a Holy War against South Korea. While American officials responded with the usual “yeah, yeah”, the news was greeted with threats of reprisal from an unexpected quarter. Abu Jihad-Yee Yu Die Soon, head of Al-Qaeda in the Far East contacted us issuing the following statement:

“Who the heck does he think he is, this Kim Jong-Il? He doesn’t even have a Muslim sounding name! He’s not even an Arab!  We own ‘Holy war’, and we’re not going to let anyone else take it without a fight. You tell that wuss with a girl’s name for a first name that he’s goin’ down!”

A CIA official who we contacted floated the idea of arming AlQaeda in the Far East with the aim of taking out the N. Korean Regime. “If these jihadists defeated the USSR in the 80s with our help, I don’t see why they can’t take out another one of these Commie bastards today.”

We will keep you updated as this story progresses.

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King makes miracle recovery: will go surfing tomorrow

23 Dec